Over-thinking.

22 Oct

Despite the lengthy post I just wrote, my (over-thinking) mind is still not satisfied. Still generating a lot of random thoughts that keep me awake until now.

Or perhaps I’d simply slept too much when I was sick in the previous week. Heh!

I used to take for granted that when the time comes, I’ll get married, have a house which I will design and maintain.. And of course, I will have my own kid.. Or kidS!

But at the age of 31 and several failed relationships (as well as some freaky suitors plus indecent proposals from married / attached guys).. I am really disappointed and jaded.

I started to wonder and later BELIEVE.. That “time” is not ever gonna come.

It’s just not meant to be. Beyond my control. Especially since I will NEVER marry out of desperation. Which include marrying any one of my horrible suitors. (Seriously this question keeps bugging me. Why God, why are You doing this to me.. In the past You sent me cheating boyfriends. And now worse, You send all these freaks to invade my personal space and interrupt my peace. Sigh. When will you send me a normal acceptable man pls?)

I’m not sure if I’m just escaping from this issue. But as much as I long to have my own family.. The idea of staying single seems more and more appealing! And the reason is.. The guys around me are either married, attached or simply disgusting / absurdly stupid / totally unappealing!!

Sorry guys, if you are going to be offended by what I’m saying. If you are not like the horrible guys I met, pls understand that I have this general impression of guys because I don’t know YOU. :)

I asked myself many times. Am I picky??

Am I??

Criteria 1
I may not be that pretty but I do make efforts to maintain my looks and figure. The least I expect is to have a guy who looks presentable. Sorry but I really can’t stand ugly or disgusting guys.

The ex I almost married (I was with him for 5 years) used to be quite cute when we just started dating. His weight was 80kg. A few years later, his weight grew to 100+. Came across his Facebook photo, he looked EVEN fatter now. O.M.G. He just got married. I am so tempted to message him and advise him to do something about his weight problems.

(P/S: Despite his heavy weight, huge pus-filled pimples that sometimes burst and bleed and some other hygiene problems which I shall not share here, I still loved him. I finally broke up with him after he cheated on me more than 3 times and I learnt from my friend that he actually slept with someone else.. Worse, when I confronted him, he revealed another 2 occasions of sleeping with another girl.)

Criteria 2

Used to expect a guy who is loyal but after my bastardy last ex (not the one I just mentioned above.. bad luck or plain lousy in choosing boyfriends?) and the guys who tried to woo me despite being married / attached, I am kinda numbed and resigned to it. If my guy wanna cheat on me.. Aiya, up to him lah! Just don’t spread any dirty disease to me pls. That’s all I ask for.

Criteria 3

I never thought of myself as smart. In fact I think I’m quite stupid and blur at times. And Mamalove always complain that I’m lazy and don’t know how to do housework. But I actually met some guys who are lazier than me and absurdly stupid with no common sense. It’s so unbelievable! (Once again, may I ask you, God.. Why me, always!?) So pls, at least let me have some guy friends with common sense pls.

I guess whoever know the details of my ex boyfriends and recent suitors would prolly advise me to just stay single.

If they tell me, “A better one would come..” It’s prolly because they want to give me some hopes. Or perhaps because it’s the politically correct thing to say to someone with my kind of experiences. Lol!

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