26 Oct

Sometimes I really hate myself for being so useless and stupid.

Not the first time she said such words. Heck, these are not even the worst. Quite mild even? Why did I cry? Why am I still hurt? Why am I still not used to it after all these years?

Why is it that when something unpleasant happens, she always jumps to the conclusion that I must be in the wrong. I’m blacklisted. I’m disgraceful.

Excuse me? Am I a disgrace to her? In fact, I ask her that. She kept quiet. It’s saddening though. She always say I disgrace her.. Since young. Am I that bad?

It’s so tiring at times. Everything I do, it’s never good enough. Worse, attempts to please her brought me nothing but more scoldings and nasty words. And I can’t rant.. I would only further disgrace her..

Too bad he’s not in Singapore. I can’t escape from here temporarily. But at least I have my own room now. Better than nothing, I guess.

Waiting for the storm to be over. In the meantime, I’ll just lie in bed and pretend I’m dead. Life’s not always smooth sailing but it still goes on.. And if I wait patiently enough, good times will come. :)


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